Also, the date of this post is in the future until I find out how to make a sticky.
Monday 12 November 2012
If you feel patronised by anything in this blog...
Also, the date of this post is in the future until I find out how to make a sticky.
Monday 9 January 2012
But what about the Nice Guys(tm) Menz?
Oh the fucking sighetry and, then, again, a sigh. SIGH.
If someone shows more than a passing interest in you and you tell them, very clearly, that you're not interested but you're more than happy to be their friend - that does not give you the right to relentlessly DEMAND more of them than they were prepared to give you. You weren't lead on, you invented the entire relationship in your head and then got pissy when the same emotion wasn't conveyed back to you. If you're that much of a grown-up I'm sure you could keep the damn thing in your pants if you thought you couldn't emotionally stand some "Let's have some sex without it being a relationship" but you couldn't and you whined and WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Another case of women not being listened to because ZOMG WHAT ABOUT THE MEN'Z FEELINGS. Fuck's sake.
I expect I shall add more to this when I am less annoyed.
This post is related to 500 Days Of Summer, its writer, some of its viewers and people who don't understand about listening. Fuck the patriarchy.
Also, read this.
If someone shows more than a passing interest in you and you tell them, very clearly, that you're not interested but you're more than happy to be their friend - that does not give you the right to relentlessly DEMAND more of them than they were prepared to give you. You weren't lead on, you invented the entire relationship in your head and then got pissy when the same emotion wasn't conveyed back to you. If you're that much of a grown-up I'm sure you could keep the damn thing in your pants if you thought you couldn't emotionally stand some "Let's have some sex without it being a relationship" but you couldn't and you whined and WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Another case of women not being listened to because ZOMG WHAT ABOUT THE MEN'Z FEELINGS. Fuck's sake.
I expect I shall add more to this when I am less annoyed.
This post is related to 500 Days Of Summer, its writer, some of its viewers and people who don't understand about listening. Fuck the patriarchy.
Also, read this.
Tuesday 15 November 2011
(Presenting-)female and feminist blogging. Some tips.
1. You must learn to ignore ALL OF THIS, because, as a female/feminist on the internet, it is what you'll be subjected to if you become in any way vocal about anything that matters to you.
2. Please also be aware that you'll get death threats to your actual address and derogatory phone calls about you to your employers, which is your fault for blogging in feminist circles.
3. If you want to host your own blog on your own server, there's no point because you'll get hacked. This was the fourth one I read about in as many hours yesterday. I'll sit here behind the great Google firewall and shout my feminist views into a safer ether.
4. Do not be silenced. I let that happen to me before now, it's not happening any more. My voice is important and your voice is important. Don't let the keyboard warriors shout you down.
2. Please also be aware that you'll get death threats to your actual address and derogatory phone calls about you to your employers, which is your fault for blogging in feminist circles.
3. If you want to host your own blog on your own server, there's no point because you'll get hacked. This was the fourth one I read about in as many hours yesterday. I'll sit here behind the great Google firewall and shout my feminist views into a safer ether.
4. Do not be silenced. I let that happen to me before now, it's not happening any more. My voice is important and your voice is important. Don't let the keyboard warriors shout you down.
Nice Guys™
There's a huge difference between a Nice Guy and a Nice Guy™. As a Nice Guy you would never ever wish to fall into the latter category. I see the term bandied about a lot, primarily on feminist blog comments, when a "What about the menz?" person shows up and refuses to unpack their privilege before diving in to educate us all about how wrong we are and that women are the root of all evil and feminism isn't needed any more because "Look it's made you all frigid and not responsive to my wonderful self when I try so hard and all the bastards just win the booty" and, well, "WHAT ABOUT THE MENZ?"
Nice Guys™ aren't very nice, unfortunately. They spend their lives pretending to be onside with the feminist agenda but only because they think they'll get a shag out of it. When no shag is forthcoming then feminism is feminazism (I hate that term and use it only as someone else's descriptor - comparing the mass genocide of millions of people to equality for women is wildly misguided and incredibly offensive) and women are all suddenly bitches when they disagree with his tactics.
"I was a nice guy, I bought her flowers, I held the door open, I watched her awful tv shows and went to her women's studies classes with her AND STILL SHE WOULDN'T PUT OUT" is how a Nice Guy's™ brain works. All he's after is the woman's genitalia as the prize. Women in his life are there for him and do not have agency or ownership of their own minds or bodies. Nice Guys™ can be very dangerous. I find them to be creepy. The first entry on Urban Dictionary has him down to a tee. The poor, misunderstood fellow.
So, there we have it. One post about why we have a "What about the menz?" meme within the blogosphere and why it's not about YOU - you'd better hope it's not about you - and why a Nice Guy is not a Nice Guy™ and also why a Nice Guy™ falls under the "what about the menz?" category.
Men who may be reading this, if you find yourself somewhat offended by what I'm saying about a minority of your gender then you are one of the agents of change. When you hear or see a Nice Guy™ in action, tell him to shut the fuck up and show some respect for women.
When you are reading some blog comments and see a "what about the menz?" don't go on the defensive thinking that feminists are man-haters - we're not, and many feminists are men who are also engaging in the commentary dialogue - go and re-read the post, the comments and see if you can pick out why someone's picked them up on it and remind yourself that we're not shouting at your gender, we're not shouting at YOUR agenda, we're telling a derailing person to Shut The Fuck Up and stop silencing us in our own spaces.
To sum up, if you respect women then stand up for them when you see someone trying to trample them down. Feminism isn't just for women, feminism will go further and manage better things when we have more men on side who won't stand by and let sexism go unchecked. The patriarchy hurts men as well. Let's all put a stop to it.
Here's a delightful Tumblr Blog dedicated to the utter shite that Nice Guys™ spew out in the direction of the objects of their affections on dating sites. May I also suggest reading The Game by Neil Strauss - particularly if you're a lady-type but also if you present as male so you can spot the douche-canoes from a mile off and not accidentally end up as a Nice Guy™. Some misguided fools use it as an actual dating tool. Just a heads up there.
Nice Guys™ aren't very nice, unfortunately. They spend their lives pretending to be onside with the feminist agenda but only because they think they'll get a shag out of it. When no shag is forthcoming then feminism is feminazism (I hate that term and use it only as someone else's descriptor - comparing the mass genocide of millions of people to equality for women is wildly misguided and incredibly offensive) and women are all suddenly bitches when they disagree with his tactics.
"I was a nice guy, I bought her flowers, I held the door open, I watched her awful tv shows and went to her women's studies classes with her AND STILL SHE WOULDN'T PUT OUT" is how a Nice Guy's™ brain works. All he's after is the woman's genitalia as the prize. Women in his life are there for him and do not have agency or ownership of their own minds or bodies. Nice Guys™ can be very dangerous. I find them to be creepy. The first entry on Urban Dictionary has him down to a tee. The poor, misunderstood fellow.
So, there we have it. One post about why we have a "What about the menz?" meme within the blogosphere and why it's not about YOU - you'd better hope it's not about you - and why a Nice Guy is not a Nice Guy™ and also why a Nice Guy™ falls under the "what about the menz?" category.
Men who may be reading this, if you find yourself somewhat offended by what I'm saying about a minority of your gender then you are one of the agents of change. When you hear or see a Nice Guy™ in action, tell him to shut the fuck up and show some respect for women.
When you are reading some blog comments and see a "what about the menz?" don't go on the defensive thinking that feminists are man-haters - we're not, and many feminists are men who are also engaging in the commentary dialogue - go and re-read the post, the comments and see if you can pick out why someone's picked them up on it and remind yourself that we're not shouting at your gender, we're not shouting at YOUR agenda, we're telling a derailing person to Shut The Fuck Up and stop silencing us in our own spaces.
To sum up, if you respect women then stand up for them when you see someone trying to trample them down. Feminism isn't just for women, feminism will go further and manage better things when we have more men on side who won't stand by and let sexism go unchecked. The patriarchy hurts men as well. Let's all put a stop to it.
Here's a delightful Tumblr Blog dedicated to the utter shite that Nice Guys™ spew out in the direction of the objects of their affections on dating sites. May I also suggest reading The Game by Neil Strauss - particularly if you're a lady-type but also if you present as male so you can spot the douche-canoes from a mile off and not accidentally end up as a Nice Guy™. Some misguided fools use it as an actual dating tool. Just a heads up there.
"The menz"
I generally hate the term "what about the menz?" however, because it's so misunderstood, it's probably worth a post to explain it.
If you identify as male and are reading this post, don't automatically assume that "the menz" is about you, personally. You likely don't even realise how finely tuned the world is to being all about you. I shall forgive you for thinking that "the menz" actually means "ALL THE MEN EVER AND ZOMG WHY ARE SOME WOMEN BEING SO MEAN ABOUT MY ENTIRE GENDER?" - it's not. It really, seriously, isn't unless you try to silence other people - usually women - who were discussing something that wasn't about you.
Men commonly derail a conversation to be about what they think we should be talking about. For example, there might be a debate about something that is usually a women's issue. Feminists (there are male feminists, by the way and you are most welcome to join us) will be talking about the topic and about how it affects women. Whilst everyone should discuss this, regardless of gender/gender identity, it's all too often that a cis-man will come along and say "Hang on, this affects men too. Why aren't you talking about what happens to the men? [what about the menz?]" - clue: it's because the topic wasn't about men. If you want to discuss how the issue in point affects men then there's an entire fucking internet out there for you to go and discuss it on and if we want to contribute to that discussion then I'm sure we'll do so.
I am a cis-female, I have thin-privilege and because I didn't realise even what that was, I once went and derailed a conversation being had by women who were fat by denying that I had privilege and making the conversation about myself. "WAAAH WHAT ABOUT THE SKINNY PEOPLE?" which, in hindsight, was a silly thing to do but thankfully I was politely pulled up on what I'd said, why it wasn't okay, I learnt something, apologised and have since learnt that you do not wade incoherently into other people's spaces and deny their lived experience because WAAAH I SUFFER TOO AND WHAT ABOUT ME? I could have easily contributed to a conversation about being fat from a thin perspective without making it all about me.
And that, hopefully, should explain the "What about the menz?" stance that many people take on the blogosphere, especially when it's about women's issues. I have yet to see a bunch of women turning up on a Men's Rights Activist blog and start crying "what about teh wimminz?" so do grant us the favour of Not Derailing when we're talking about women's issues. Yes, we bloody know that some of the issues affect men but if it's not on topic then Shut The Fuck Up. It's not about you all of the damned time.
Harriet always says things better than I ever could so let's read her blog post as well.
Notes
1. cis-woman/cis-man means that you identify as the gender that was assigned at birth.
2. I dislike the term overweight and I don't use the word "fat" in an offensive manner. Health at every size and body-positive regardless of what the scales say.
If you identify as male and are reading this post, don't automatically assume that "the menz" is about you, personally. You likely don't even realise how finely tuned the world is to being all about you. I shall forgive you for thinking that "the menz" actually means "ALL THE MEN EVER AND ZOMG WHY ARE SOME WOMEN BEING SO MEAN ABOUT MY ENTIRE GENDER?" - it's not. It really, seriously, isn't unless you try to silence other people - usually women - who were discussing something that wasn't about you.
Men commonly derail a conversation to be about what they think we should be talking about. For example, there might be a debate about something that is usually a women's issue. Feminists (there are male feminists, by the way and you are most welcome to join us) will be talking about the topic and about how it affects women. Whilst everyone should discuss this, regardless of gender/gender identity, it's all too often that a cis-man will come along and say "Hang on, this affects men too. Why aren't you talking about what happens to the men? [what about the menz?]" - clue: it's because the topic wasn't about men. If you want to discuss how the issue in point affects men then there's an entire fucking internet out there for you to go and discuss it on and if we want to contribute to that discussion then I'm sure we'll do so.
I am a cis-female, I have thin-privilege and because I didn't realise even what that was, I once went and derailed a conversation being had by women who were fat by denying that I had privilege and making the conversation about myself. "WAAAH WHAT ABOUT THE SKINNY PEOPLE?" which, in hindsight, was a silly thing to do but thankfully I was politely pulled up on what I'd said, why it wasn't okay, I learnt something, apologised and have since learnt that you do not wade incoherently into other people's spaces and deny their lived experience because WAAAH I SUFFER TOO AND WHAT ABOUT ME? I could have easily contributed to a conversation about being fat from a thin perspective without making it all about me.
And that, hopefully, should explain the "What about the menz?" stance that many people take on the blogosphere, especially when it's about women's issues. I have yet to see a bunch of women turning up on a Men's Rights Activist blog and start crying "what about teh wimminz?" so do grant us the favour of Not Derailing when we're talking about women's issues. Yes, we bloody know that some of the issues affect men but if it's not on topic then Shut The Fuck Up. It's not about you all of the damned time.
Harriet always says things better than I ever could so let's read her blog post as well.
Notes
1. cis-woman/cis-man means that you identify as the gender that was assigned at birth.
2. I dislike the term overweight and I don't use the word "fat" in an offensive manner. Health at every size and body-positive regardless of what the scales say.
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